The Love Monster

Originally posted as my second guest post on Gigi’s blog,  Cigars and Jewelry. 🙂

Do you know the feeling when you’re swimming underwater and you run out of air, and that second you raise your head above the water, the feeling of air filling your lungs? That awful sensation of drowning goes away in the blink of an eye.

I think that’s what I was to you, a breath of fresh air in the routine you were in. A fun distraction from all your day-today activities to kill time. I was a challenge for your macho skills, to see that you still had it. I was someone who was keeping you company when you were bored… feeding your ego with that lost look on my face while listening to the echo your fingers on the piano left in the air.

But you, my baby, you were the monster that grabbed me with your smile and threw me far away from my comfort zone, and showed me a different world. Everything seemed to change its color, its smell, and its whole essence. You showed me that there is something else out there and that I could still dream big for myself. You were the man who made me restless and calm at the same time. You were the one who made me want to settle down and dream in long-term perspectives. Every word that came out of your mouth crystallized a new meaning for me.

You made me feel that giving myself to you was the easiest and hardest thing to do.You had this power over me, to lift me and to bring me down, to make me feel so small, yet the center of the universe, or at least your universe… Which would have been enough for me.But there was this feeling eating me from the inside, that I’ll never rise to your expectations, yet you grew a desire in me for so I was willing to spend my whole life trying to meet those great expectations.
There were these obscure thoughts, spreading through my mind like a spider’s web, that I was alone in this, and that you didn’t love me like I knew you could love someone.And I was right.

One time you told me I will be one of the toughest “what if’s” of your life. Now you are mine. You also told me never to settle for anything less that I know I deserve. I promise, I won’t.

Carrie was disappointed when Berger left her through a post-it. Well, I’d say she’s pretty damn lucky he had the guts to say, “I’m sorry”, even on a bright yellow piece of paper. But what do you do when your loving monster doesn’t have the balls to say goodbye? Not to mention an explanation.

One more thing, from one love monster to another, just keep in mind that what goes around, comes around.

Always.